Most Disappointing Lasagna Ever

A few days ago I discovered an amazing site. Some of you may have heard of it, The Pioneer Woman Cooks. This site immediately drew me in as I was fascinated by the many many beautiful sharp photographs on each page, the beautiful kitchen and the myriad recipes created from the simplest ingredients. It’s quickly becoming a theme here, but each time I’ve been tempted to change a recipe and haven’t, it’s been a mistake. This recipe is no exception. When I first stumbled upon this recipe, there were a few steps I’d never seen before that made it perfect for my project and with the slew of praise in the comments below it, I figured I couldn’t go wrong. Boy was I mistaken. This lasagna was bland, heavy, runny and all around mediocre. I’ve had frozen lasagna better than this. I told all of my close friends that I’d be making lasagna today and that they should come over. Fortunately, no one did. I won’t even give this away at work as it would reflect upon me as a cook. Photo and details below…

The Most Disappointing Lasagna Ever

I’m not even going to attempt to copy/paste this recipe for two reasons. One, it’s not written out in a convenient copyable form. It’s a collection of pictures with instructions. And second, it’s not worth my time. Instead, I will provide you guys the link…

“The Best Lasagna. Ever.” (or not)

Several issues made this lasagna below average. First off, what is up with the breakfast sausage? When I was a little kid I couldn’t eat sausages and greasy hot dogs without getting headaches. Some of you may know what “grease headaches” feel like, some of you may think I’m crazy, but it’s a very painful pressure just behind and above the eyes. When I was younger I could never eat hot dogs, sausage, brats and even some types of pepperoni. For the most part, I’ve grown out of that and can now enjoy (some) brats with sauerkraut and the occasional sausage link. This lasagna, after disappointing the palate, brought on a full spectrum grease headache so bad that it put me on an express train back to my childhood. The only think I was able to do was take 1,200 mg of ibuprofen, down a bottle of water and take a four nap in a dark room hoping that I’d feel better when I woke up. Unfortunately, it was nearly impossible to sleep as this freight train of food was worming its way through my stomach. I woke up several times not knowing if I was going to have to run to the bathroom or if I’d be able to get back to sleep, all the while with a headache.

On the matter of taste, this lasagna had absolutely no kick. Seasoned with some dried basil and dried parsley only? Ummm…no. I’ve been making lasagna for years with out a recipe and every time I season my meat and sauce with basil, oregano, salt, pepper, garlic, (sometimes garlic powder as well) and a dash of ground red pepper. The meat sauce alone should be flavorful and delicious. It shouldn’t taste like the juice you pour into the sink from cooking the meat.

The addition of eggs did nothing for me. I’m not going to even take a stance on the cottage cheese vs. ricotta (or anything else) as I’ve made way better lasagna than today’s using all of the above. The addition of the eggs, which is what drew me into this recipe, didn’t do it for me at all. The sliced mozzarella was an interesting idea, but frankly, just using nothing but shredded mozzarella with some herbs cut in would be better than this strange cottage cheese/egg/kraft parmesan mixture.

I’ve made many lasagnas in my day, from your “standard” lasagna to chicken florentine and seafood with crab, shrimp and salmon and tangy sauce. All of which turned out excellent.

You want a good lasagna using every day ingredients? Here’s how you do it. Layer boiled lasagna strips with a pound of ground turkey seasoned with garlic, pepper, salt, basil, oregano and red pepper mixed with a can of store-bought spaghetti sauce (or use some sliced stewed tomatoes and a can of tomato paste ran through a food processor if you have it), a thin layer of ricotta and then shredded mozzarella. Repeat. Top with a layer of pasta with a brushing of olive oil and a sprinkling of shredded cheese so it doesn’t burn. (yes, put pasta on top) Nothing fancy, just tasty, and way better than this so-called “best lasagna ever.”

-Oji Chef